Agatha Christie - The Autobiography, The Woman

Agatha Christie (1890 - 1976) is the best-selling novelist of all time. She became a writing success during her lifetime and beyond.

It was a standard beginning progressing to a global phenomenon. Her first novel, The Mysterious Affair at Styles was published two years after it was submitted as manuscript in her late teens. Her first contract stipulated that she write five more novels. Over the years, Christie actually wrote 82 detective novels and a total of 91 books. Her most successful novel, Ten Little Indians (And Then There were None) has had 100 million sales to date and Publications International lists it as the 7th best-selling novel of all time.

Having been a fan of this grand lady for years, I was delighted to discover that Agatha Christie had written an autobiography. She began writing it in 1950, making notes for fifteen years until it was complete in 1965.

Anyone hoping that this book unveils Agatha Christie's personal writing tips might be disappointed. Christie's biographical focus includes her childhood, her interests, her romantic life and some of her writing beginnings but apart from Christie's firm belief in the ideal detective story length (50000 words) there is little in the way of writing advice or methodology. One exception is that Christie indicates a preference for inventing her characters from pure imagination rather than consciously deriving them from her real life encounters. But overall, the lady has no advice to dispense.
Perhaps this may be in part because she believed every writer has their own way of expressing themselves. And that any opinion she gave regarding how a piece of writing had been executed would only be an indication of the way she would have done it.  In her view, we all had our own way of doing it. She was therefore reluctant to read manuscripts and offer advice or criticism, believing that it had the potential to discourage otherwise budding writers who may have reached audiences despite her opinion.

Those things Christie does spell out wonderfully include her childhood, her courtships as a young adult, the books she read, her travel experiences and the idiosyncrasies she observed in others. Her life narration is also taken up with financial concerns, her enduring work as a nurse, her married years, her divorce and her journey into first becoming published. 

Some interesting facts about Agatha Christie: 

• She did not attend school and was only provided tutoring well after 9 years of age
• She loved dancing in her teens and as a young adult
• She was an introvert
• She spoke French and English fluently since childhood
• She lived in France during part of her childhood
• She kept a lot to herself. As a young girl, her family would reproach her of never 'noticing' anything but Agatha did in fact notice and know much but did not like discussing her insights or observations. One day, when her mother reproached her with not sharing something, Agatha replied, "I don't care for parting with information." As a result, her family often joked that, "Agatha doesn't like parting with information."
• Agatha was a nurse by profession and learnt much taking care of soldiers during the First World War
• She studied a branch of pharmacy and most of us would see this reflected in her detective novels
• She stopped working as a nurse around the time she married Archie Christie
• She thought New Zealand was one of the most beautiful countries she had ever seen
• She learned to surf and spent days surfing in Honolulu during a world tour
• She loved her food and had a grand appetite unburdened by diets
• She loved travelling which is no surprise considering some of her novel's international settings - Agatha indicates that "going around the world was one of the most exciting things that ever happened to me"
• She enjoyed long train journeys and yes, she did travel several times on the Orient Express which is after all the set of her novel, Murder on the Orient Express
• During her late teens, her mother took her to Cairo for three months where Agatha enjoyed a 'coming out' period which saw her through between fifty to sixty parties held at reputed hotels
• Her first detective novel was the result of a dare with her sister. Agatha had always admired her older sister, Madge, who was an excellent writer but not by profession. Madge was talented in many ways in Agatha's eyes.  Having read a popular detective novel, Agatha declared that she might like to try her hand at writing one. Her sister replied that it would be difficult and that Agatha would not be able to. The bet was on. And we know the rest...
• Her first husband, Archie Christie cheated on her soon after her mother died, it was a dark time for Agatha and she was then on the verge of a nervous breakdown
• She remarried years later with a man several years younger than her, who she met during a trip to Baghdad
• Due to her travels in Syria, Egypt, Iraq, Lebanon and Jordan, Agatha seemed to have had a good nuanced insight into Arab culture which was a joy for me to read
• Other places she visited include France, England, Greece, Spain, Australia, Canada (she loved Lake Louise), New York, South Africa, Croatia, Italy, Scotland, Iran (then called Persia) and others...

I found Agatha very humble in her expression. There was nothing in her autobiography that seemed to indicate that it had been written by a woman of prodigious success. In fact she never saw her writing as her career until she was much older, always seeing her status as "married woman" (which is probably also due to the times). Her tone remains modest and factual. She does not glamorise anything with the exception of- and this may surprise people -her attentive clothing descriptions. I think Agatha liked clothes immensely. I think this is interesting considering she went through adolescence at the time when her family fell into financial misfortune, meaning that she owned less pretty clothes than other girls. Earlier, she also recalls a time in her childhood when she developed a set of imaginary school girls. She admits that she enjoyed dressing them up according to their personality. There are many moments in her autobiography where she describes clothing with much detail, notably a green dress she bought and wore in Honolulu and which she loved.

I genuinely liked Agatha as a person, partly because we share a similar introverted temperament and also because I admire her writing drive, but mostly because she was so very fond of travelling, a great passion of mine. Agatha admits that her travelling experiences were one of the highlights of her life, and that she really felt herself come alive while she travelled. She describes travelling as living in a dream. In terms of personality traits, I would say that overall, Agatha had a strong need for new experiences.

One of the fun parts of her biography is her list of likes and dislikes which were strikingly similar to mine although I think they would resonate with many sensitive introverts. I have underlined our similarities in the following quote. 

"I don't like crowds, being jammed against people, loud voices, noise, protracted talking, parties, and especially cocktail parties, cigarette smoke and smoking generally, any kind of drink except in cooking, marmalade, oysters, lukewarm food, grey skies, the feet of birds..."

Notice that Christie does not really describe her personality in much detail, opting instead for superficial likes and dislikes. Perhaps she knew well that self-report is not a valid indicator of what one truly feels nor of one's temperament. Maybe she understood what many social psychologists believe, that human behavior depends on the situation and can not always be pinned to a set of fixed traits. It would not surprise me if Agatha believed this. After all, in her novels she displays great insight into human psychology and it would be reasonable to assume that she understood herself well enough so as to not to completely define herself.

I am sure there are other secrets to Agatha's personality. Maybe the humility that transpires in her biography is none other than secrecy. She describes herself as exuberant and yet with the exception of a detailed narration of surfing activities, I did not see this exuberance leap out from the pages of her biography. Was it an internal exuberance perhaps, the likes we find in many introverts? I believe so. Yet again, what if she did not say everything in her biography. I'd naturally assume that too. Come to think of it, she reminded me a little of Miss Marple herself.

And what if, too, her biography is laden with clues that I've yet to decipher, perhaps there are details I have missed. Perhaps you could read it too and let me know what you think.

Wrapping Up 2011

2011 has been a year of strenuous hard work for me. When not at the office, I was either:

• editing
• writing
• researching
• learning about marketing & publishing strategies and book cover design
• blasting my 300 or so followers with annoying Tweets
• pushing myself through an endless physical workout

What can I say, even at 36, I remain a workaholic. Nothing has changed. Luckily for me, I do enjoy my work. And I love heading to the gym or walking along Brisbane's river to clear my mind. So these mental extremes are balanced by physical extremes and I stay sane.


Yet like a true introvert, the best moments of 2011, were those moments I spent in my head completely removed from surroundings, transported through fantastic visions into a spiraling world of speculations and ideas often sprinkled with a good dose of my glorious imagination. And I must add, what would introverts be without this age's social media and intranet? Surfing the net was my die hard habit of 2011. One I'm unlikely to desist from for all the wonderful learning experiences it affords me. 


There were other highlights in 2011 so I'll go through them, with gratefulness and joy. Because you have to be grateful in life.  And you know what, no matter what the advocates of modesty would tell us, you have to be able to boast about what you love. How else do you reckon with this thing called Happiness? How else do you invite IT to stay?


My Photo Shoots

Dressing up and posing for the camera. I love the creative process of conjuring up shots, costumes and poses. Vanity for the sake of Art. Not too bad for someone who spent most of her teenage years in daggy tracksuit pants and Tshirts. Yet not too professional so I can still recognise myself. Phew...


Romantic Escapade

On a warm Winter's night, I was treated to a romantic weekend at the plush Emporium Hotel.  The bed was sprinkled with red petals, there were candles everywhere and we had dinner and breakfast at Tartufo Restaurant.  Enjoying time with my lover and best friend all through the year was a highlight. I know that those glamorous touches are just the icing on the cake and that every day spent at home holding him is a welcome escape for me.


Athens and Cape Sounion

Enjoying the cool autumn nights in Athens during our Greek holiday...Eating spicy charred meats in the old Turkish suburb of Plaka...Wandering into the ancient marbled world of the Acropolis among Gods and Goddesses and exploring the old ruins of the Agora all the way to up to the hills that overlook the entire city. Worshipping at Poseidon's Temple at Cape Sounion...Pretending to be a nymph...Going nuts with my Hipstamatic app. The term Hedonism comes rightly from Greece.


Milos

In Milos, I got lost along pristine Greek beaches and laid back coastal villages. I absorbed the Mediterranean Sun, Greek Food, more Greek food and just the peaceful non touristy world. Bottom right, you can see a sight that touched my heart, an old couple holding hands and venturing out into the late afternoon after the sun's rays had waned in the old town of Plaka. 


Santorini

In Santorini, I was touched with overwhelming beauty and calm while staying at Iliovasilema Suites in the charming cliff edge village of Imerovigli. Having breakfast every morning while gazing at the caldera from our private balcony was one of the most peaceful and rewardingly silent experience of the year. Walking along the coastal path from the town of Fira all the way to the marble streets of Oia to watch the sunset was an experience I will never forget. 


Paros

Wandering through Paros and its markets. Stuffing myself with Galaktoboureko pastry for breakfast. Losing myself in the labyrinth that is Parikia's narrow white streets. It was early in the morning and the streets were near deserted. The last time I got this lost was in Toledo's Old Town in 1999. And here I was... I ended up having to stalk a gorgeous blonde local and ask her in which direction I could find the sea. Just my luck, she spoke zero English. But she began to make swimming arm motions and confirmed for me with the word "Thalassa". And then I remembered Grade 8 Greek history and the word Thalassa suddenly made a lot of sense. I was saved!


Mykonos

This year I spent my birthday on Mykonos island. I don't believe I have ever been that spoiled. One of the highlights was admiring the colorful stacked houses on the water's edge, otherwise known as Little Venice.  I also loved frolicking in the crystal clear blue waters and admiring the views at Psarou Beach. 


My Friend's Wedding

I have known my friend Karen for 12+ years now and it was a joy and an honor to attend her wedding late in the year. It brought tears to my eyes. Her parents were so nice to both me and Shane. While we did not know anyone else at the wedding, we felt very welcomed.




My Long Walks in Brisbane

When I take walks along the Brisbane river, to exercise, calm my thoughts, listen to music on my Iphone or just dream, I often come across these beautiful views. They have been my companion for almost two years now. I am grateful.


Gorgeous Food, Sex, Cuddles, Good books, Good films, friends who make me laugh and touch my heart. 


I want more of all this next year. Bring on 2012!

The Ultimate Betrayal

Whenever there is betrayal in a relationship, the world often seems as though it is collapsing around us.

Nobody wants to hurt. And in most relationships, especially those where the attachment between the parties is not yet secure, there is always an initial fear of being cheated on. I know couples who have put a stop to or sabotaged their relationship for years out of this fear of being cheated on. It seems these couples preempt betrayal even though it has not taken place (and perhaps never will). Yet they are so crippled by the fear of betrayal that they will, out of anxiety and insecurity, inject toxins in their otherwise harmonious relationship.
Luckily this fear diminishes over time with a secure, happy relationship. But it takes time. 

The interesting thing about this fear and with many fears, including that of being handicapped, is that they are actually irrational. No one has ever died from betrayal.

Such fears undermine the human spirit. Yes, at a psychological level, these fears point to insecurities and an inability to cope with any ego-threat. One must rise above perceived ego-threats or one is soon at the mercy of so many events in life. Developing self-esteem is very important for dealing with such fears but so too is conceiving the strength of the human spirit.  

One must trust in the human spirit and its ability to overcome setbacks. Studies suggest that people who have suffered an accident and became handicapped showed more resilience and turned out happier than they ever thought they could be when envisaging any handicap. Similarly, people who have felt betrayed and heart-broken by a past relationship erroneously believe, at the time that their depressed state will continue with them for years and that they will never be able to love or trust again. 

But this is not the case.

It is surprising too, how the weakest, most defenceless human can in fact overcome betrayal. Let me tell you a story...

I have suffered the ultimate betrayal. No. None of my partners have cheated on me. And no, for the most part, my friends have not broken my trust.

The ultimate betrayal came for me as a ten months old baby when I was abandoned by my mother. 

Now I say 'abandoned' because technically, from the point of view of baby Laura, that is what it was. I must have felt terrible as I burst into yet another colic fit, wondering where my mum was. It was clear that she was no longer there for me.
This is not the place to dwell on the reasons she let me go but needless to say, my happiness and comfort were very much a priority and I was well cared for where I was.

Unfortunately at this age, one does not know 'what is good'.  If one were to ask a child then, 'what is good',  is to be with mum.

From eight months, I would have already entered that phase developmental psychologists describe as an important emotional attachment phase.  This means I knew who my mother was. I had begun walking and so I recognised her and I was probably emotionally attached to her.  As a result, any feelings of betrayal I would have had were more pronounced than if our separation had occurred much earlier. Consider also that as a ten month old baby, I was still in the trust vs. mistrust phase described by Erikson and betrayal during this phase is damaging to trust, perhaps more so than at any part of adult life.

So enough of the psychology...I was sent away to live for two years with my grandmother, my Mamy. During that time, I believe I was happy. The proof, was that I am strongly attached to my grandmother even now.

My second birthday in my Mamy's arms, France

But what is disturbing is that when I was separated from my grandmother to be reunited with my mum, I did not recognise my mum.
It turned out that I had become so attached to my grandmother that this second separation from a caregiver also had a terrible impact on me.

I had nightmares. I was constantly afraid. I had screaming fits at night. And I was convinced that my 'new' mum was an evil witch.

What did I have to cope? What defences could I, a three year old toddler, summon to overcome this horrible feeling of dejection and  disempowerment, to overcome this anger and this feeling of betrayal? To have been betrayed not once but twice was too much than I could bear.  I had no recollection of the first betrayal since, after all, I had been too young at the time, but the sum of it felt enormous within me.

I felt like a roaming orphan. I identified with Penny from The Rescuers and I had no doubt that Madame Medusa was my mother. It did not help that my mum was fond of jewelry...

I think it took years, but I overcame those nagging feelings of emptiness, the knot in my throat, the self-esteem issues. And most of all, I grew to love my mum.

Today I understand her and what she went through. Again, this post is not the scope to dwell on her reasons.

But the gist of this story is that people are too complex to be tied to set relationship paradigms. In this case, the situation demanded that my mum let me go despite the adage that 'mothers should not abandon their infants.' Is betrayal easy? How many mothers would be ready to do what my mum did? Believe me, to do something like this takes much courage. But it also takes a genuine need...

We must learn to understand that the betrayal we feel does not often stem from malicious intent in others, nor does it necessarily have its origins from the weakness and deceit in others. The answers are much more complex. 

At the time of experiencing betrayal, we always think it is the end of the world, that our soul has been trampled on, our egos trashed and that those who are betraying us are evidently manifesting some dark side of their personality. That they have failed us...

But often those who 'betray' us -- and by betrayal, I don't mean physical and emotional abuse which I do not condone, but rather abandonment, separation and loss of engagement -- yes, those who 'betray' us are experiencing their own demons and their own limitations. Often their own needs are not being met within the relationship and they must go elsewhere to have those needs met, to grow as a person, to experience peace. My mother did not stop loving me during those two years when she gave me up. But she needed those two years for herself. What has love got to do with anything? And was she necessarily selfish do you think, for taking that time? I don't think so.

I have learnt that our self-integrity is an important part of who we are, it is the foundation of our beings and any destabilisation in our self-integrity poses a threat to our sense of self. Unless we choose to live in a closed box, unless we have adopted unchanging and dogmatic attitudes and have completely stopped growing, then, who we think we are is constantly evolving. And as it does, over the years, often we achieve self-integrity by ensuring that what we do aligns itself with our values and beliefs. We may also change our way of thinking to accommodate what we perceive our recent behaviours to be, all for the purpose of aligning our attitudes with our actions and help achieve self-integrity. 

Doing what we believe is right, running away from paradigms that would in any way shackle us or limit us, is integral to self-integrity and ultimately to human happiness. And yes, there are times when it will appear as though we are betraying others, but this is all part of ensuring that we do not betray ourselves.  

The alternative: poor self-integrity and a shaky sense of self, are dangerous propositions. These do not lead to happiness nor do they help the parties in any relationship. They render us petty, envious, bitter, resentful, controlling and dissatisfied. 

It is true, nobody wants to hurt.  Yet understanding less-than-perfect human behaviors is crucial for processing feelings of betrayal and ultimately, for overcoming their negative impact.

My Top Films for 2011

Five films stand out for me this year. Some were not technically made in 2011 but they had me riveted, informed and in some cases, deeply unsettled.

1. Adam Resurrected

Based on a novel by one of Israel's top writers, Yoram Kaniuk, Adam Resurrected stars Jeff Goldblum as Adam Stein, a Holocaust survivor with a disturbing secret. During his incarceration in a concentration camp, he was allowed to live on the condition that he entertain a Nazi commandant by pretending to be his dog and walk on all fours.

This film is brutally honest in its dealing with the subject of human debasement, psychological survival and the manner in which cognitive dissonance can deeply unsettle us and drive our behavior. Adam's inner conflict, that of remaining a dog or becoming 'human' again and therefore dealing with his shame and emotional pain, comes to the fore after the war.

It is while practicing his unusual skills as mind reader and pseudo-psychiatrist and himself a patient at a mental hospital that Adam meets a little boy, also a WWII victim. This boy believes that he is a dog and presumably no one can help him. Adam Resurrected is a film I strongly recommend if you are not afraid of complex human themes and have some interest in psychology. Both Jeff Goldblum and Willem Dafoe give excellent performances as always. I love this film.

2. Hors La Loi

Roschdy Zem in Hors La Loi
Not your typical gangster film. Hors La Loi is actually a historical drama more or less depicting the life of Abdel Kader, leader of the Algerian Independence movement in France. It follows the life of three Algerian brothers, Messaoud, Abdelkader and Said, who, confronted with the injustices of French involvement in Algeria and later, with the poor treatment of Algerian immigrants in France, set out to make a difference for themselves and for the impoverished immigrant community.

An informative, captivating story which resonates strongly with social issues still facing France today. I enjoyed the dynamic between the three brothers and the outstanding overall cast. And if, like me, you have a soft spot for Roschdy Zem, this one is for you. He literally sizzles as the silent glassy-eyed, Messaoud.

3. La Rafle

France's shameful WWII secret. Under Vichy rule and faced with a Nazi quota requirement, the French gendarmes round up 13000 Jews into Paris' Velodrome d'Hiver. This cycling arena, right in the middle of Paris is specially sealed for its new ghetto purpose.

This is yet another story of what humans do to one another other and where outgroup prejudice can lead if left unchecked. Google "Vel d'Hiv", or watch this film but either way, do not be naively misled into believing that your own government would fully care for you during a wartime occupation. In the Vel d'Hiv, during their 3-5 days captivity, the 10000 French Jews are subjected to appalling conditions at the peak of the summer heat; no toilets, food or water. Only limited medical facilities are provided by the Red Cross and this is obviously not enough for those rounded up forcibly from their hospital bed. Outside, it was later reported that neighbours of the velodrome experienced foul smells emanating from the newly locked building.

From the velodrome to the death camps of Auschwitz, we follow the plight of several families and real life survivor Joseph Weismann. I would not watch this film again but I strongly recommend it for its revelatory effort. Strong performances from Jean Reno (who is mostly underutilised) and Melanie Laurent.

4. Insidious

This low budget horror was declared the most successful film of the year in terms of ROI. James Wan's horror film has just the right balance of mystery, paranormal, dream archetypes and bedroom settings to strike a chord with the dreamer in most viewers, making them dread falling asleep at night and wish they'd never seen this film. But yeah, a strong horror production that haunted me for days afterwards.

5. Gainsbourg: a Heroic Life

Why does Gainsbourg score with hot women? Find out...
Finally, something funny and light-hearted for a change. After all, I am not all about brooding-over-human-suffering-and-injustice. It seems there is also a hedonist spark in there...

What with sex kitten Brigitte Bardot, the smouldering Juliette Greco, gamine Jane Birkin, Dali's dark and curvaceous muse, and Gainsbourg's last wife, the sizzling Bambou (who is played by none other than sexy Mylene Jampanoi), there is much to feast on in this entertaining biopic about one of France's most celebrated and controversial musicians.

But what distinguishes Gainsbourg from the average biopic formula is the appeal to the child in each one us. From the very beginning, Gainsbourg's larger than life alter-ego makes recurring appearances through an ever smoking dandy-like, animated caricature whose relationship with the artist drives him inasmuch at it limits him. This elongated, long nosed figure has enough panache to charm and inspire; for viewers, it provides an enchanting and heart-warming conception of Gainsbourg's complexity as an artist. This film will delight your senses and make you wish you lived in Gainsbourg's time.

Hipstamatic Greece

A joyful photographic spree, starting in Athens. From the Acropolis, to the Temple of Zeus and onto the Temple of Poseidon at Cape Sounion, Greece's Attica province is resplendent on Hipstamatic. I added a couple of shots from the island of Milos, views from Santorini's castle and the splendid waters of Psarou beach in Mykonos. I hope you enjoy them as I did my wonderful journey in Greece.